“Don’t forget to love yourself.”   – Soren Kierkegaard

Do you know what it means to love yourself?

We all want to fit in and feel like we belong. Many of us have that constant nagging little voice telling us we aren’t like everyone else. However, I often wonder, does everyone have that nagging voice or only some of us?

What is so wrong with being different, with not being what others consider normal? Albert Einstein was told he would never amount to anything. Thomas Edison’s teacher thought he was stupid and that he should stop going to school. How do you like that for remarkable?

Some of us are highly sensitive and some of us are a little socially awkward, some of us are smarter than others and some are kinder. Some of us are bold and brash and some of us are quiet and contemplative. Some of us are tall and some are short.

Every one of us is different and everyone one of us needs to come to learn to accept our differences, our idiosyncrasies and our weirdness and learn to love ourselves just the way we are.

I’ve come to realize that I’m quite emotionally intense, rather brash at times, often non-empathetic and to be honest I’m sure I’m just too much for a lot of people.

What are the things that you think make you different, or odd or unlike others? Are those beliefs truths or are they insecurities? Do they dictate how you act or present yourself?

I’m here to tell you that you should stop it all. Stop pretending. Stop being uncomfortable. Stop trying to hide who you are.

All of us are weird in some way. All of us have our quirks and weirdness. I’m a grown woman who can’t sleep without my trusted Teddy Bear. Don’t like it? Don’t care.

Years and Years

For many years I tried to make myself more palatable so I would fit in, or so people would like me more. I would try to lower the tone of my voice, speak slowly or try to play nice.

I never felt like I fit in at any office environment. Girls never liked me and every corporation seemed to value friendliness over competence.  I could never understand it.  They pay me to do a job, not bake cookies and make friends, right? Apparently not.

Apparently it is more important to be social than hard working.  Apparently they care more about how you dress than the quality of your work.  Apparently they would rather hide things than let you tell the truth and when you do they threaten to get rid of you.

Why do we do this?  Why do we try to change ourselves for others?  Why do we diminish our truth and our beauty for the sake of “fitting in”?

How much of our lives do we waste hiding our weirdness?  Who said there’s something wrong with being weird or different?  Not me.  Who wants to be boring?  Not me.

You are you. No one else is you. I know maybe you think you aren’t special or you aren’t smart enough or pretty enough or anything enough, but it isn’t true. Be proud of the you that you are.

Acceptance – What Does It Mean to Love Yourself?

Who are you?  I mean, who are you really?  Do you know?  Have you thought about your strengths and weaknesses? Where did this lack of acceptance come from?

When I was growing up no one in my family really talked, about anything, except me. I talked a lot. I voiced my opinion a lot. I had emotions a lot. I never felt like I was like everyone else in my family so maybe I never truly accepted myself.  Not to say they were bad at all, they were just different when in their communication styles and I was left feeling like an outsider.

I’m at the point where I’m too exhausted trying to hide those things I think might be “too much” for others. At some point you will learn to accept yourself for the good and the bad and it will all just be okay because to do otherwise takes way too much energy.

I swear way too much for such an educated girl (thanks dad), I speak emphatically when I’m talking about things I am invested in (which people often mistake for anger), I have insecurities at times and I can be prone to depression and anxiety and have to be careful not to fall into their clutches. I can fall asleep in the middle of a conversation and I tend to think the world should be a just, ethical place.  That’s me.

This isn’t to say we don’t all have behaviors that might need tweaking.  I still have insecurities and fears that stem from my sexual abuse, but I am learning not to let them run my life.  Being me doesn’t mean I get carte-blanche to be a jerk because I’m scared.

When you learn to accept yourself with all your flaws you find a sort of freedom that you have never had before.

Create Your Life

One of the most important things you can do when you learn to accept yourself is to create a life and an environment that is beneficial and supportive.

I decided that in order to live a happier life I never want to work in an office again where I would continually be judged for being myself.  I’m not like everyone else and I accept this and I need to do what’s best for me and my sanity.

Where do you excel? What are the things you can change to make your life easier?  Can you change jobs or start a new career or get into a field where your talents will be applauded rather than looked down upon?

For me, being in an office is like being a robot.  I have a mind and an opinion and I like to speak up for myself.  These traits are not conducive to working for a corporation.  So, instead I have taken my voice and brought it somewhere it’s not only accepted but valued and for all of you who read my work I thank you!

Surround yourself with people who accept you, even if that means you have fewer friends. Figure out who you are at the core of your being and then be non-apologetic for pursuing whatever will bring out your uniqueness.

Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself, “I am awesome” or “I am special” or “I can create my life to be whatever I want.”

Once you accept yourself you can do amazing things.  The world will open to you and you will stop worrying about what other people think about you.

Everyone is different and no one can tell you your worth. Only you establish your value and only you decide your truth.  Live it.