“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.” – Saadi

There are days and weeks and months where we try to move forward. I mean, really try.   We try to change and be happier, calmer, easier and better and no matter what we do nothing changes.

I used to think all the bad things that happened to me and all the constant feelings of being stuck were my negative karmic energy and I was forever destined to have a miserable life.  Now I’m starting to realize that this may be the karmic journey, but it doesn’t mean I have to stay miserable or that I am required to be miserable forever.

There is no unwritten law of the universe that says I have to be on a sad, pathetic karmic journey.  Where I am today isn’t where I’ll be tomorrow.   Where you are today isn’t where you will be tomorrow either

Sometimes change is not quite noticeable.  Sometimes it is so subtle that it comes and goes and we didn’t notice it sneaking up on us.  Sure, many people say how suddenly things changed for them when they shifted their energy, but that doesn’t happen to everyone and sometimes you have to just go with the flow and be open to  what is happening.

Start noticing the good

Often times we are changing, but we don’t even notice it.  It isn’t as simple as seeing a child walk for the first time or talk for the first time.  In those instances it’s easy to see and recognize change because the difference is obvious.

The other day I had a mini melt-down.  Afterwards I felt awful.  I was mad at myself for still having those feelings of doing things wrong and feeling wrong and not being okay with what I think I should be okay with.

First I cried.  Then, I thought about it and meditated.   Within a few hours I was feeling better.  For the first time, instead of focusing on the fact that I had done something I no longer wanted to do (worrying about the fact that I’m still not getting it right) I focused on the fact that my mini melt-down was just that.  It was a mini and it only lasted a few hours and I was able to pull myself out of it.  In the past it would have lasted days or even weeks.  Progress!

If you have those days where nothing is going right and you think you should be farther along, but you just aren’t try to look at it differently.  Become of aware of what you want to change.

For example, do you feel super insecure when your guy looks at other women and make snarky comments?  Realize that this is not about him, but about you (unless he is a misogynist pig, which means you still have to work on yourself for choosing this guy).  What is your fear?  Be aware that you are scared. Next time you feel insecurities coming on don’t say a word. SIT WITH THEM.  Cover your mouth if you have to.

Realize it is okay to have the feelings you have and that it is also okay not to act on them.  Once you process through the feeling you may or may not want to say something to him about how it makes you feel. Be short and to the point.  “Even though I know you love me, I feel insecure when you look at other women in front of me”.  That’s it.

As time goes on the more in touch with your emotions you become the more change will occur.

How I know

When I was in my early twenties I used to say really mean things to my boyfriend.  I’m not sure why I did it. They sort of just sprung out of my mouth.

One day he said to me, “Carrie, you have to stop this”.  I realized he was right.  It had become such an ingrained pattern that I wasn’t really sure how to go about stopping.  But, I had to try something

So, every time I started to blurt out something mean I would crunch my lips together or put my hand over my mouth.  The thought was in my head and it wanted to come out.  Then, I started to hum. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. I focused on humming.  I hate humming.  But, focusing on that took me out of my negative thought.

He would look at me and say, “You want to say something mean don’t you” because he could just feel the words about to come out.  I would keep my mouth shut and just shake my head up and down.

Over time, I stopped saying those mean, hurtful things.  Slowly I replaced them with nice, sweet things.  I would say them with a smile on my face.  Boy, did I feel like a fake.  I didn’t feel those nice things.  But, I would look at him and say, “Wow, that’s really great honey”.

Do you know what happened?  Over time all of those bad, negative automatic responses turned into happy, healthy automatic responses.  My mind had rewired itself.

Be There

So, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time or you aren’t where you want to be.  Everything comes in its own time and it isn’t necessarily your private clock.

Be where you are.  Do the best you can to see your way through and accept that you won’t be stuck forever unless you want to be.  Keep thinking about where you want to go and how you can get there.

Think about what work you need to do and what you need to focus on.

Do you need to take a class, read a book, journal, meditate, take a vacation or a spa day, or do something kind for yourself?  Do you need to change your behavior and think more about the way you interact with your loved ones?

Allow yourself to be where you are because unless a miracle happens and you are suddenly transported into another body you aren’t going to magically change overnight.  Sometimes change is imperceptible and that’s okay as long as you are moving in the right direction.

Be patient with yourself.  Accept yourself.  At the same time, realize that although you may be stuck or going slower than you like you can and will change.  Everything comes when it is supposed to come and the universe doesn’t bend its rules just for you or me.