“Needing to have things perfect is the surest way to immobilize yourself with frustration.” – Wayne Dyer

Are you constantly frustrated with yourself?  Why don’t I know this? Why can’t I do this?  Why can’t I figure this out fast enough?  Why can’t I move faster, be better, do more, be more?  Why don’t I get up off the couch and actually DO something?

Why aren’t you at the place you think you should be? Why aren’t you living the life you dreamed you should or would or could?

Do these questions spin around in your head like a washing machine coming to the end of its cycle only to start over and over again???

Ever since I can remember I’ve been continually, easily frustrated with myself. Frustrated because I’m not perfect at the first go around.  Frustrated that I don’t master something easily enough or fast enough. Frustrated that I don’t work harder. Frustrated that I can’t play tennis like I used to. Frustrated that I have to work at all.

Sound familiar?

Where does it start?

When I started my blog, I knew absolutely nothing about SEO, WordPress, blogging, marketing, keywords or any of the things you need to know to be a successful blogger. If it weren’t for my sister who has been in web development for twenty years, I would have closed up shop and gone home.

I had never worked on WordPress, yet I expected I should understand it immediately and when I didn’t I would consider myself a failure and a loser.  Next came funnels and marketing. Marketing is not only foreign to me, but somewhat morally reprehensible.

Still, when I didn’t conquer it my first time out, I thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for coaching and marketing my services and perhaps I should give up.

I would find myself frustrated with every tiny little thing and I couldn’t understand why.

Let me ask you this:

Are you frustrated that the cars in front of you don’t move fast enough or that your typing is too slow or that you missed a key or that you don’t understand something fast enough or easy enough?

Do you find your anger growing over things that are irrelevant and unimportant?

What if I told you that your frustration has nothing to do with the need to feel perfect or the need to meet some unknown standard?

What if I told you all of this frustration stems from NOT FEELING SAFE?

How does that change things?

For the longest time I would ponder and wonder and try to figure out why I was so frustrated all the time. Why this need for perfection?  No one had ever pushed me to be perfect or live up to some standard of perfection.

My parents had always said, “you can do whatever you want”.

So, why this perfectionism?????  Why couldn’t I fail or feel “less than?”

The answer?  SAFETY

As with everything in my life it came down to feeling safe.

If you control everything you feel safe.  Unfortunately, you can’t control the traffic, the people outside you, the quickness with which you learn things, the rain or the sun or the stars.

You get frustrated so easily because you never felt safe in the world and controlling every outcome, no matter how insignificant, makes you feel better.

The day I realized this everything changed.

If it isn’t about the need to be perfect and it stems from feeling unsafe then I get it!

What’s the Answer?

The answer then must be letting go. Let go of the need to control. Let go of your fears because they’re only holding you back and although you needed them when you were a child you no longer need them and they’re no longer serving you.

In fact, the fears and walls, beliefs and routines you created to keep you alive and functioning as a child are doing nothing for you but causing you harm and pain.

I understand the struggle.  It’s monumentally hard to trust others when you feel like everyone in your life let you down at some point or even worse took advantage of you and your vulnerability. But, that was then and this is now.

In order to let go you need to ensure you have sufficient boundaries.  You still can’t control other people, but you can control whether you allow them to treat you poorly or not.  If you want to stop being so frustrated with yourself and the rest of the world work on establishing your boundaries and then let go of the rest.

You can’t control if your partner leaves you. You can’t control if you lose your job.  You can’t control if a hurricane comes and sweeps your house away.  Life happens whether you like it or not and keeping yourself in a barricaded tower constantly pressuring yourself to do more or be more isn’t going to change any of that.

What if, even just for today you were enough?  What if you let go of your fears and your need to control?  What if you trust yourself that you’ll be okay no matter what?

What if?