“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” –  Steve Jobs  

For more than forty years I kept quiet. I allowed every man in my life feel okay with themselves while I sat there feeling not okay.  I did jobs I really didn’t care about and just dealt with it.  I made choices that weren’t the best for me so I could “keep the peace”.

At some point I stopped speaking my truth and I began living a lie.

The thing is….living a lie will kill your soul.  Living a lie will crush your spirit and living a lie will never bring you peace.

I know all the reasons that I hid my voice and I hid myself.  But knowing and understanding don’t make it any easier.  The hard part is actually letting someone else see and hear who you are.

It isn’t that I’m afraid to show myself (well, maybe I am).  Its that I don’t know anything else.  I know of no other way to be.  I’ve been hiding for so long that to do otherwise feels very uncomfortable and unnatural.

The question becomes how do you find your voice AND speak your truth?  How do you get what you want when you don’t always know what you want?  How do you enforce boundaries when you aren’t really sure where the wall is, how high it should be or whether it should be made of something malleable or made of concrete.

Intuition

I believe that everything you know and need to know already exists within you.  You know when something is right or wrong.  You know when to speak up. You know what your truth is.

Hiding from your truth means you are not following your intuition and vice versa.  Often we know what we should do, we just don’t want to do it.

Following your intuition means following your truth.  But, to follow your truth you have to start listening to yourself.  When you are at a crossroads try sitting with yourself and feeling what you feel.

Does your intuition tell you to move or stay?  Run or walk? Fight or flee?  Following your intuition may not always be easy and it may take tons of practice but you can learn to listen to yourself and trust yourself more and more each day.

Right now my intuition is telling me to hold on. For what I’m not sure.  My intuition tells me things are not over and that there is work to be done.

Slowly, but surely you can get there. One step at a time. One day at a time.  Your voice is there. Listen to it. Hear it speaking to you, even if only in a whisper.

What is a Lie?

Living a lie means living someone else’s truth.  Living a lie means doing what someone else wants instead of what you want and know to be right.   Living a lie means continually putting your own needs aside so that everyone else can be happy and comfortable.

It is sad to admit, but I have had sex with men when I didn’t want to just because it was easier.  Maybe at the time that was my truth. Maybe at the time my truth was “I am not worthy enough to get what I want”.

Over time I have come to realize that the only reason you live a lie is because you aren’t strong enough to stand in your own truth. Standing in your own truth means loving and accepting yourself and knowing who you are, what you want and what you deserve.

Are you living a lie?  How many lies do you tell yourself every day?  Do you tell yourself that its okay he won’t commit because you love him?  Do you tell yourself that you can cope with your awful job because you have no choice?

Strength

The amazing thing is that you can learn to STOP living a lie.  Yes, you can learn to live your truth and find your voice and speak your peace.  Being selfish doesn’t mean you have become a jerk.  There is a such a thing as healthy selfishness and this is where your strength comes from.

Every day you wake up ask yourself who you are and what you want.  Do you want to stay in your current relationship?  Do you want to keep your job or move up the corporate ladder or do something different?

We all have desires and goals and needs and wants. The problem comes in when we try to reach those goals externally rather than internally.  Irrespective of what the Jerry Maguire movie says, that man will never “complete you”.  If he can it means there is something missing inside you which you have to fill yourself.

Find the strength to ask yourself the hard questions.  Find the strength to ask yourself what you REALLY want out of life.  Then, go live it.  Go speak your truth and you will find that your life has become richer than you ever imagined.