“For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.”  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I used to think that true love meant a guy listen who would listen to me all the time and shared my deepest darkest thoughts anytime, all the time. I used to think it was a guy who would be my secret confidante and my bestie. I used to think it would be a guy who share every sexual fantasy and emotion I had. He would fulfill every need, know everything I wanted and would also be good at picking out a good wine, otherwise what was the point, right?

I thought he would think like me and be like me and want everything I wanted.  I thought any man worth a grain of salt should be my emotional counterpart and be all those things I had ever dreamed about. That’s what true love is, right?

Then I met him.

I didn’t see it at first. I struggled against it. I was pissed. I constantly thought, “what’s your problem dude?” and I spent countless nights and days wondering what the hell was wrong with him only to realize the only problem was with myself and my inability to believe.

He was infuriating. Honestly, most days I wanted to punch him because he wouldn’t do everything my way and wouldn’t let me control things. He was unwavering. He was solid. He was not going to give me my way and no matter how much I wanted it.

Nearly every week he told me, “I just want you to be happy” and I kept thinking then WTF why don’t you make me happy jerk? I kept waiting and hoping and expecting. I thought if he would only act the right way or say the right things then suddenly like magic, I would be happy.

Yeah, that didn’t happen

What Happens When Things Change

I felt like I was pushing up against a brick wall that wasn’t budging. How was I going to make it move??? I unknowingly plotted, and I schemed. It had worked with all the others, surely it would work with him.

I tried all the old patterns. I played victim. I played depressed. I played needy. I played insecure. I didn’t do this knowingly or intentionally, but looking back, I was testing him all along.

Despite this, he stood his ground. No matter what I did he was who he is. He didn’t cave. He was the warrior and the man I always believed he would be.  He was there for me when I couldn’t be there for myself.  He stood by me without trying to fix things or change who he was so I could be happy.

Because of this, I gave up. I knew he had me beat. I knew if I kept fighting him, I would only be losing against myself.

What True Love Does

True love pushes you. It doesn’t come wrapped in a package with a bow on top. It isn’t the most charming or best looking, the most understanding or even what you thought it would be.

But, once you realize you have it, you spend every day thanking the Universe for bringing someone like that into your life for as long as it lasts.

I truly believe my father (who died twenty years ago) brought him to me. I know it. I feel it. It doesn’t matter that we are so different in our likes and dislikes. What matters is that we value the same things. What matters is that I value his heart and he values mine.

True love is someone who will stand next to you in the storm and hold onto you and tell you that you’ll be okay.

True love is someone who gives you the strength to find the power within yourself to be everything you always wanted to be, but never thought you could.

True love doesn’t cater to your every need and desire and in fact it does the opposite. True loves looks you in the face and says, “You can do this. I got you” while you go at it on your own.  True love looks you in the face and refuses to take on the burdens that are yours to fix.

What is True Love Then?

Maybe I can’t really explain what true love is for you, but I can for me. I don’t know what you think true love is, but maybe you should consider what this means and whether your expectations are realistic.

Originally, I thought true love meant someone who would save me from my pain and who would make me feel okay inside. I kept looking for that acceptance I always wanted and needed because I felt so empty inside.

But as the years went on, I was realized that wasn’t true. I thought it was what I wanted, but it never helped. Really, I was always looking for someone who would stand beside me and say, “I’m not afraid of your dark. I won’t fix it for you, but I’ll be here before you while you do.

I never knew what true love was before now. Every day he stands by me without judgement I learn a little more about love. Every day he doesn’t freak out over my emotional days the more I feel at peace with myself. He has taught me to look inside and find my peace.

That, my friends is what true love looks like.