“Being in your forties – any woman who isn’t there yet, I just have to say to you: Euphoria is coming to you.” – Tori Amos

There are so many things I learned after I turned forty that I’m not sure I could even write them all down. Every decade of life brings more experience, more self-awareness, more truth and hopefully more understanding of yourself and others.

Something magical that happens to women at the age of forty. There is an unspoken rite of passage we pass through and there is and a wealth of confidence we claim. It’s as if we have been storing up all of our insecurities, fears and doubts only to face them head on into the second part of our lives.

There are things you wish you knew in your twenties and thirties that you just won’t know until you get a bit older. If you’re over forty then you know what I mean and if you’re under, you’ll look back and realize I am speaking from truth.

To be succinct, here are a few truths I have learned in my forties that I wish I had known earlier.

One (No, Two) Glass(es) of Wine is the Cure for All That is Wrong With the World

Maybe this is a crappy way of coping, but if you don’t have an addictive personality and you know how to say “no” then I’m all for it.

To be honest, I always feel scared and a little unsure about the world around me. I never feel quite safe. Most of the time it seems like the world is going to fall out from underneath me and I just stuff it down because I’m sure how to deal with it and that just turns into anxiety.

Although I use all conscious beliefs and brain retraining within my power I’ve learned that a glass of wine or two stops my worrying. Maybe it’s only temporary, but heck, I’ll take any respite that I can.

I laugh more after some wine. I stress less. My brain relaxes. My walls come down just a little. No matter what kind of day I’ve had or what I’m facing if I sit and have a good glass of wine (and probably some pasta) everything seems a bit more tolerable.

I don’t do this every night because then I’d probably be considered a functioning alcoholic like everyone else in my family and I don’t want that to happen. But, I’ve come to realize in my forties that there really is no harm in a few glasses of wine and in fact it can make everything that seems so awful, horrible and intolerable in the world a distant memory.

Wine may not actually cure anything that is wrong, but it sure as hell makes you forget about it for awhile and I’m all about that.

Sex Toys Are Your Friend

Everyone is different and we all have different upbringings and comfort levels with sex. I was brought up in a house where sex was discussed in a clinical sense (I learned about the birds and bees) but I always had the feelings my parents did not have a great sex life.

Let’s be honest here. I didn’t even have an orgasm until I was twenty-eight. How sad is that? Even after I had one I still had no idea about what was pleasurable to my body nor was I able to communicate it or express it to another individual.

As I trudged through my thirties and a not-so-fulfilling marriage sex was just something you did because you were supposed to. Looking back, I wasn’t happy with him and I didn’t really care about sex all that much.

When you hit your forties, something happens (as I’m sure the biological clock is trying to tell you something) and you become sexually and sensually self-aware. At least, I did.

You become more confident and more exploratory. This isn’t to say you become slutty or want to bang every guy in site. For me it was quite the opposite. Meaningless sex was just that-meaningless.

Part of being sexually confident means trying new things. How do you know you don’t like something if you have never tried it? When you hit your forties, you start to throw off all your preconceived notions about what’s “right” and “proper” and you start doing what feels good.

Anxiety Sucks, But It Won’t Actually Kill You

When I was younger I was clinically depressed with suicidal ideation. As I worked on my issues I found that the depression that plagued me in my teens, twenties and thirties segued into a low grade, constant anxiety.

My sleep was interrupted. My heart raced. I had constant dreams that kept me up all night. I tossed and turned. Everything seemed to worry me. My relationships were a struggle. The only thing that was constant in my life was the inconsistency of my thoughts.

Even now I struggle. Maybe you do too. The question is do you know why? I have come to realize that I become anxious when I feel insecure and/or unsafe. It isn’t a conscious thought process, but it occurs nonetheless.

Recently I was having some trust issues with my guy which threw me into a state of not knowing. The “What If’s” were taking over my subconscious.

Despite this, I have become more accustomed to my anxiety. Anxiety is nothing more than your body’s natural “fight or flight” reaction to stress. This reaction is a learned behavior and can be unlearned.

What you may not realize until you hit your forties is that anxiety can be your friend to a certain extent. You aren’t going to die. Anxiety won’t kill you (even if it feels like it sometimes). If you start to recognize when you become anxious and why you can become more in touch with what triggers the feeling and learn to either accept and cope with it or make a conscious choice to do battle with it.

My anxiety fluctuates depending on my emotional state. But, its getting easier to sit with and easier to handle the more I come to terms with it and the more I realize I am safe and I will be safe. There’s a certain calmness that will come once you learn your anxiety won’t actually kill you.

Yeah For Forty!

Treasure your twenties because you will look back at them as the best time of your life. Most of you are free and not yet full of the responsibility of family and work and kids. Your thirties are for growth and change. But, your forties are for acceptance.

After forty you stop trying so hard to please everyone and you become more in touch with your true self. You don’t have the energy to deal with bull**t nor do you want to.

Maybe you can take some of these lessons now and apply the earlier so you don’t waste time worrying about the things you can’t control and you can start to embrace the things you can. Have a glass of wine. Buy some sex toys. Learn to love your anxiety, because this is all you get. This one life.